From “castrated” Buddhist to “evil” Catholic

My path was one of darkness, trials, and inner struggles. I was betrayed, ridiculed, slandered, robbed, and despised. Family, friends, students, and companions turned away as I transformed from a "good-natured, castrated Buddhist" into an "evil" Catholic. But this path was necessary to find what I was seeking: a father, guidance, and moral clarity. It led me from superficial spirituality to a deep religiosity, which Carl Jung said is anchored at the core of every culture: the symbolic, the archetypal, which calls us back to God.

From Buddhism to Catholic Mysticism

I came to Zen not to find a new religion, but because I was looking for a father—a role model, a man who could teach me how to live and die. In the Zen monasteries of Japan and Korea, I experienced years of silence, discipline, and confrontation with my own darkness. Zen is not a religion, but religiosity – an Eastern mysticism that leads people to their wholeness. There I saw the paradox: life and death, light and darkness, joy and pain are inseparable.

But the West has neutered Zen, degrading it to a psychological technique and wellness spirituality. The mysticism has been gutted. Instead of religion, people live a "stupid spirituality" that knows no moral order. Carl Gustav Jung warned: Those who lose their own religion project the sacred onto the material. Humans cannot live without archetypes; they then worship the wrong thing.

Fatherlessness and Moral Decay

The sexual revolution and the birth control pill freed society from responsibility. Sex was decoupled from marriage, children, and devotion. The father lost his authority. In this fatherless society, a generation grew up that would rather protect a plastic bottle than an unborn child. Feminism and the '68 movement sought liberation, but they created moral relativism in which good and evil are merely constructs.

Today we are reaping the fruits: a feminized society, children without fathers, men without role models, a church that has lost its own foundation. Wokeism and LGBTQ ideology are the grandchildren of the sexual revolution. The mother has become devouring, the father blind. When men no longer fulfill their role, women become witches, and weak men serve as eunuchs. Only strong fathers can raise strong men again.

The Dark Night of the Soul

My own transformation was a passage through the darkness that John of the Cross calls "the dark night of the soul." I lived a life of depravity until fatherhood forced me to take responsibility. Being a father means sacrificing oneself. In that night, the false self dies. Thus, the Honora Zen Monastery became the Nigredo Monastery – Nigredo, the alchemical blackness, the dying of the old person so that Christ may be born.

The Nigredo Monastery: A Place of Purification and Mysticism

Today I direct the Nigredo Monastery in Reichenburg. Here, Zen religiosity and Catholic mysticism are combined. The monastery is a place of encounter with God, free from ideologies and fads. Religion here is not theory, but practice: prayer, meditation, sacraments, and rituals. It is a place of purification, healing, and return to God the Father.

"Religion is the reconnection with the source. Mysticism is the path of the heart that makes God tangible."

Rituals and Phases of Life

Rituals play a central role in the monastery. They structure life and reflect the archetypes described by Jung. Initiation rituals such as the Mountain Week are times of inner confrontation. Seven days of meditation and silence become a single moment in which the ego dies and the person is reborn. Similarly, the coming-of-age ceremony marks the transition from child to man: taking on responsibility, bowing to family and community, allowing the phoenix to die and rise again.

Such rituals are lacking in our society, which no longer has the courage to delve deeper. At Nigredo Monastery, we bring people back into a relationship with God, to their own heart, and to their purpose.

Meditation as a Battlefield

Meditation is not a wellness program. It is a battlefield, a struggle for truth and clarity. During the mountain week, we confront our finiteness: a week without sleep, in silence and contemplation. Here, false comfort is extinguished; God encounters us in the void. Meditation is not a tool, but a devotion to that which is greater than ourselves.

Life Crises and Loneliness

Many people today seek spiritual healing because they are lost. They turn to esotericism, which often merely mixes gut feeling and stupidity. Without God, one believes in all sorts of things, but nothing true. Life's crises are invitations to walk through darkness.

In solitude, the sacred question that lifts us up is born. Only those who truly see their soul can become free. The Nigredo Monastery is a place of this freedom.

Brother Klaus and European Mysticism

Western mysticism has a great saint: Friar Klaus of Flue. Like Zen, his mysticism is a direct experience of God. It leads us back to our origins, to simplicity, and to a spirituality that is not crushed by dogma, but rather lives through it. Friar Klaus is a model for the union of contemplation and responsibility in the world. His teachings are more relevant today than ever.

Religion instead of spirituality

We live in a time in which religion has been replaced by a diffuse spirituality. Religion was perceived as coercion, and spirituality was sold as freedom. But this "freedom" is an illusion. Without religion, we lack the connection to the symbolic, to the archetypes that guide us. Spirituality without religion is like a house without a foundation. Jung knew: Only those who rediscover their own religious tradition can achieve healing. For us Europeans, the foundation is the Catholic Church – it is the mother tongue of our soul.

The Symbolic Language

Every person has a basic religious need: to be loved by the Father, to be understood in the wholeness of their heart. This need is healthily satisfied when it is lived in the right place. Without symbolic language, the soul atrophies. Today, we understand symbols only literally and try to satisfy spiritual longings with consumerism. But no physical good can satisfy the soul's longing. Only the Church, the sacraments, and lived mysticism lead us back to wholeness.

The Church as a Mirror of the Soul

The Catholic Church is a living symbol. It speaks to our soul through all of our senses: spiritually through the word, visually through beauty, haptically through touch, olfactorily through incense, aurally through song, and gustatory through the Eucharist. A church is a mirror and catalyst for our soul. It leads us back to God the Father and teaches us devotion. Beauty is not decoration, but an expression of the divine. In an ugly church, the soul dies; in a beautiful one, it awakens.

Return to the Father - From a "loving, castrated" Buddhist to an "evil" Catholic

My journey led me through Zen, through loneliness, through contempt, and betrayal. I sought a father, and I found him in God. The path was long, full of darkness and trials, but necessary. Today I know: The world doesn't need a new spirituality, but a return to religion and virtue. We need strong fathers, men who educate men, and women who know their dignity. We need a church that shines again and provides guidance. We need God.

In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Amen.